The question I’m probably asked the most by singles is
“Why am I not meeting
anyone new?” And my response is always the same:
“Because you aren’t looking
in the right places.”
While it may be romantic to picture the guy or girl of
your dreams crossing your
path via the hand of destiny, in truth very few
relationships will just fall into your lap.
You have to go out and look for it.
Think of it as a job search. If you want to land a
great position, you can’t sit at
home by the phone waiting for a company to call you
and say, “I heard through the
grape vine that you were available. We want to hire
you now!” That scenario is
probably never going to happen, so instead you market
yourself. You look through
the newspaper, you send out resumes, you complete
applications, you network,
and you promote yourself.
And you don’t give up
when the first or the 50th
interview doesn’t land you a job.
You have to persevere
and explore every
potential source of job leads. The search may be
disheartening at times, but it will
be well worth it in the end.
The same is true if you want to find someone to date.
If you’re like most people,
you have only uncovered the tip of the iceberg when it
comes to your search. Now
it’s time to go below the surface and unearth the
rest.
Friends
No, I’m not suggesting that you date your friends,
although some of the strongest
marriages began as friendships, but I am suggesting
that you let them fix you up.
Stop groaning.
Remember that your close friends know the real you (or
at least they should) better
than anyone else, except your family.
They know what music
you like, what
movies you’ve seen, and probably how you act after
you’ve had a few too many
mixed drinks. Technically, no one should be more
qualified to help you find a soul
mate.
Work
You probably spend at least eight hours of every day
stuck in a place just teaming
with available members of the opposite sex. Maybe
you’ve heard the expression,
“Don’t dip your pen in company ink,” and in most cases
it is a motto to live by – you
do not want an ending relationship to make your job
unbearable.
But if you work in an office building, there are
probably dozens of companies
around you full of eligible employees who are not
considered “company ink.” If you
work in retail, you are meeting hundreds of potential
dates every week and you
don’t even have to create excuses for making
conversation with them! If you work
in the service industry part of your job is probably
networking, so why not use those
phone numbers of potential clients to land a dinner
date for “business”? Not to
mention the vendors, postal workers, and delivery
people who come into your
company daily.
Remember, you don’t have to date your co-workers or
your boss in order to find
romance on the job. You just need to look beyond your
cubicle.
School
Remember high school? Wasn’t finding a date easier
then? After all, you mixed
with hundreds of available singles every day.
While college isn’t quite as simplistic, it does give
you a golden opportunity to
mingle with a wide-variety of mostly single co-eds. College
also has an advantage
over those rambling locker-filled halls of your youth:
these students are career-
oriented and goal-focused. If your idea of a dream
partner includes someone
capable of holding down a decent job and being able to
talk about books without
their eyes glazing over, your local college might be a
great place to look.
“I’m too old to go back to college,” some of you are
whining.
“I can’t afford the tuition,” cry others.
Never fear, I’m not talking necessarily about
attending college as a full-time, or
even part-time, student (although that’s an excellent
choice). Some universities
and colleges also offer non-credit classes to people
in their community for a
reasonable price.
These classes cover a
wide-variety of topics, such as
photography, computer programs, or career-development
and generally require no
previous knowledge of the subject. Part of the charm
of these classes is that you
cannot only meet someone who shares some of your
interests, but you can also
improve yourself at the same time.
If you don’t have a college in your area, many schools
offer similar services.
Community
Are you interested in making a difference in your city
while you are scoping out the
singles?
Then
community-service might be your answer.
Volunteering is an
excellent way to help others and to find someone that
is also caring and
considerate.
Community-service isn’t just for white-collar
criminals. It’s also a wonderful way for
you to get involved in something, to meet new people,
and to do something you are
really proud of.
Take CPR classes, walk dogs for an animal shelter,
tutor troubled kids after school,
or distribute food at a soup kitchen – these are just
a handful of community-service
possibilities.
You could help with
fundraisers, join committees, develop public
awareness for any of the hundreds of valuable
organizations that work hard to
make life better for people all around the country.
And in the end, you
(and
hopefully a new “friend”) can look back at what you’ve
done and feel a true sense
of accomplishment.
Bookstores
In case you’ve been hiding in a cave for the last
half-decade, you already know
that bookstores are “in”. While shopping for books
used to be enough to classify
you as an un-dateable nerd, now only the coolest,
hippest people are to be found
among the trendy bookshelves of enormous chain
bookstores.
Bookstores have always been a nice place to meet new
friends and lovers.
After
all, it’s easy to start up a conversation with
someone: just ask him or her what book
they are reading. Now with the addition of cozy cafes,
bookstores have become a
socially acceptable gathering place.
So find a book, order an espresso, and smile
flirtatiously over the top of your pages
at every attractive, interesting member of the
opposite sex who pauses nearby.
Personal Ads
Whether you find them online or in your local
newspaper, personal ads can be
another avenue for your romantic searches. While
you’ve probably heard horror
stories about personal ads, you can easily avoid a
negative experience by keeping
in mind the golden rule of dating: almost everyone
lies about something. The lie
may be as simple as saying they are 25 when they are
really 30 or as disastrous
as lying about their marital status.
The best advice is to take everything you read in
those ads with a grain of salt;
most were written deliberately to get your attention
not to reveal any inner secrets.
And if you do embark on a date with someone you find
in an ad, go in with no
expectations; expect to meet someone new and to have a
good time.
Chat Rooms
While chat rooms are a legitimate form of meeting new
people, you must proceed
with extreme caution! Always remember that you do not
know anything about your
fellow chatters except what they tell you and rarely
do they reveal the whole truth.
Online Dating Sites
With the Internet becoming a hotbed of activity for
both personal and commercial
ventures, it should not surprise you that there is an
excess of web-based dating
sites.
These sites use chat
rooms, message boards, and e-mail to create a
community atmosphere, which allows site members to
interact with one another in
a more relaxed manner. Unlike online personal ads or
ordinary chat rooms, the
sites include detailed profiles (usually including
photos) of members so you know
more about whom you are communicating with.
Most sites also allow
you to
browse or search the profiles for people in certain
geographical locations or with
certain interests. The majority of these sites do
charge a membership fee; so only
those serious about meeting people generally join
Dating Services
If you’re still having trouble finding possible dates,
you may want to consider
professional assistance. A dating service will help
put you in contact with their
other clients who may have similar interests or who
may be looking for someone
who meets your description. Many include an extensive
interview process and
possibly involve a videotaped message to interested
singles.
One of the best reasons to use a dating service is
that, unlike with some methods,
you go into the situation with more background
information about the other person.
Most reputable services do check out the information
provided by their clients.
Also keep in mind that while a dating service can help
you find a date, they can’t
make it a successful one. You’re still in charge of
the hard part.
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